“Friends, how many of us have them? Friends, ones we can depend on.” – Whodini. I realize this song is about a guy and his tumultuous relationship with a girl, but it really does make me think about the friends I keep. In childhood and adolescence, friendships came easier than in adulthood, or at least that’s my experience. Growing up, I always had structured places or activities that allowed me to meet new people and make friends. Places like school, sports, church, and camps were environments that presented themselves naturally throughout childhood and they were where I made friends. Additionally, children of my parents’ friends became close friends of mine even to this day.

However, as we go into young adulthood and beyond, those structured opportunities slowly dissipate. Things like school and extracurriculars are replaced by work schedules, grocery shopping, and cleaning the house. Making friends becomes more of a chore because we actually have to make an effort to seek them out. On top of that, if you have to move to a new city for work, you have the added layer of not knowing anybody.

I know for me personally, I always thought, “I’m a man. Friends would be nice, but I don’t really need them. I can handle this life on my own. I’m self-sufficient.” Why is it that men have a difficult time reaching out for help and connection?

My childhood friends are good guys. I know I could count on them if I needed help, but currently all of us are in different states. Because of the distance, it’s harder to keep in touch.

My family and I are currently in California, and it has been an adjustment from our home state of Louisiana. From the cost of living to culture, there have been many new things to get used to. Ever since I had fully embraced my Catholic faith in undergrad, I knew I needed solid Catholic men as friends. That idea just never went into action. However, when I moved to California and experienced a culture more ambivalent to the Catholic faith and religion in general, the urgency for authentic friendships grew.

I believe there are a few barriers to friendships that Catholic men in their 20s-30s face and they include but are not exclusive to: not knowing where to look, the parish not having a young men’s group, the local Knights of Columbus council being good but there aren’t any other young men within it, work being busy, family life being busy, and feeling awkward about being the guy who is looking for friends.

As someone who was earnestly looking for other young Catholic men to grow in faith, it seemed like an impossible task and a missing ministry in our parish. I feel like most young men can relate. There are young adults groups, but in my experience, that is mostly for early 20s young adults who are single and ready to mingle and/or are still in undergrad. I was looking for something different. A group where young men would gather to grow in faith and prayer, challenge one another, and really build authentic bonds. I wanted Catholic friends who sought to develop our minds, bodies, and souls; friends that kept each other accountable and tried to get each other to Heaven.

Thankfully, I was not alone in this mission. My older brother has been living in the same area for a few years already, and was also ready to take this idea into action. He organized a group of 4, him and I, and two other guys from our parish. We all met at a local coffee shop to discuss the idea of our men’s group. It consists of daily challenges that the group agrees upon. This usually consists of a prayer, Scripture reading, physical activity, and sometimes a fasting component. For example, one of our first challenges was to read a chapter of Luke, pray the litany of humility, sit with the Lord in silence for at least 5 minutes, perform 100 pushups, and take cold/lukewarm showers every day until we all met again. We formed a group chat to keep each other accountable and when we all met again, we were profoundly changed spiritually and physically. These challenges not only strengthened our faith, but bonded us more tightly as friends. I truly believe that men bond better through doing difficult things together. Now, the group has been thriving for about 3 months and we have added 3 more men. It’s remarkable because we never formally advertised the group, it has just spread through word of mouth.

This group has been a big blessing to me, and I thank my brother for being bold enough to start it. I truly believe the Holy Spirit is calling young men to do the same. There is a hunger for young Catholic men to build connections with other men who want to take the faith seriously and also grow as strong men for their families, parishes, and communities.

You, may be the guy who needs to start a group like this at your parish. It doesn’t have to be an official parish ministry yet, just make it your own for now and trust in God’s providence. It can be like ours, which is just a group of Catholic guys who happen to attend the same parish. Look around your mass next weekend. You’ll start to notice the men who regularly attend the parish and are secretly seeking the same thing. They are just waiting for an invitation. Or, maybe you are already a part of another group in the parish, but it’s not meeting your expectations. This could be the prompting of the Holy Spirit for you to start your own young Catholic men’s group. It can start small even if it’s just one other person. From there, I promise the word will spread and soon enough you will be building the Body of Christ with strong brothers at your side.

Matthew 18:20 “‘For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.’”

Go and Encounter God

Blessings,

Vincent